1. An old colleague who has found her niche. She has always been drop dead gorgeous. I look up to her
2. An old batchmate who is a rockstar, a boss and all.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Sunday, December 28, 2014
2015: MAINTAIN AND ATTAIN
Maintain:
- writing job
- lovelife
- weightloss regimen
- saving money
- hit show
Attain:
- car plan
- new gadgets
- hulog sa bahay
- sexy body
- write for mainstream/indie film
- headwriting job
- writing job
- lovelife
- weightloss regimen
- saving money
- hit show
Attain:
- car plan
- new gadgets
- hulog sa bahay
- sexy body
- write for mainstream/indie film
- headwriting job
Wednesday, December 24, 2014
2014
Highlights:
Maria Mercedes
Baguio Travel
Mt Pinatubo Hike
Baler
Balik Alindog Program
Tinder Dates
Baby ko
Boracay
Two Wives '
Saturday, October 18, 2014
5 months in. Date nights with the Nurse
Countless dates with The Nurse
We went to UP and ate at Snack Shack
Countless Starbucks and Coffee Bean Dates
Kitchen of Cakes and Coffee
Taisho Ramen
Senor Pollo
Lonnga Republik
Restaurant of Choice
Yviana
Ramen Nagi
Sweet Spot
Starbucks Matalino
Sweet Spot
Mister Kabab
Banapple
Starbucks the block
Eastwood Mall
Coffee Bean and Tea leaf
Ally's All Day Breakfast
Crazy Katsu
Sunday, August 31, 2014
Relationship Numbers: 2 months, 60 days, 15 dates, 4 sack sessions
I saw this coming.
In fact, I treated this as a social experiment above anything else. Was I a jerk? Maybe. But so is he.
It's already 2 months in, and I cannot handle the situation. Sure we are officially a couple, but he;s got strings attached and I wouldn't want any of that. There is a long list of why I should end it. I cannot handle it.
It's too bad, because he could be the one. Despite his looks and all, he is the perfect playmate and gentleman and boyfriend. So sensitive and caring and thoughtful. I want a Leo man for my next boyfriend.
One thing I don't like, apart from the obvious reasons is that it seemed as if it's a non negotiable for him- And the last time I spoke to him about it, he didn't even reassure me, he just shrugs and shit.
Plus he hides a lot of things in social media - his fb and instagram. There were posts about songs about wanting a girl to be his? WTF. Am I your girlfriend or what?
The dealbreaker was when we went to a bar, and he kept on checking out other girls. He was looking, leering. I can't tolerate any of that. WTF I am your girlfriend, but you talk about women in my face?
Also, I don't like his friends. Bunch of pa-cool oldies DOM types. I don't like his bestfriend who seemed to not like me that much.
Maybe it boils down to my insecurity, but come on, I told him about it before that I am a jealous madwoman.
So I break it off.
When I think about it, I know he'll get over it pretty quick, I wasn't that great of a girlfriend. It was his birthday and I didn't think of anything special. I gave him cake and we spent the night and that's it.
Come to think of it, maybe I am the type who hates pressure in relationships. I just want to enjoy and have fun that's all. I don't want the meeting his friends thing, or knowing about shit about his life. But I want security as well -in terms of where the relationship is going. Plus, work always comes first for me. A boyfriend is an after thought, someone to chill with after a stressful day.
I guess what this social experiment taught me- I just have to be alone for a while. regroup and focus on myself.
So that when the right guy comes, right guy- in all aspects, I'll be ready and I'll be ready to be a great girlfriend.
Thursday, August 28, 2014
Fuglies
It's funny how a fugly person acts. Maybe it's defense mechanism, but the nerve of guys who would ogle other girls in front of their girlfriend. Red fucking flag.
The thing is, I was the one who downgraded. The nerve of this fucking guy to actually still look at other girls. What the fuck. Maybe that's what he wants and what he needs. And I will never settle for that kind of douche.
I freaking danced, caught his attention just to keep him fucking entertained. and that's what I'll get?! I'm not your freaking buddy mister.
whatever. It could be I'm freaking insecure. But I have the right to be, and to hell with people who think I shouldn't feel that way.
I fucking deserve someone better. This dude is a douche. And no more turning back. A-hole.
The thing is, I was the one who downgraded. The nerve of this fucking guy to actually still look at other girls. What the fuck. Maybe that's what he wants and what he needs. And I will never settle for that kind of douche.
I freaking danced, caught his attention just to keep him fucking entertained. and that's what I'll get?! I'm not your freaking buddy mister.
whatever. It could be I'm freaking insecure. But I have the right to be, and to hell with people who think I shouldn't feel that way.
I fucking deserve someone better. This dude is a douche. And no more turning back. A-hole.
Thursday, August 21, 2014
Plans
1. Watch movie then maybe eat at Zabo Chicken
2. Hanayo Grill (treat him with buffet)
3. Crazy Katsu
4. Tornado Peri Peri
5. Jog at UP then foodtrip Lonnga Rep
6. Hanamaruken Ramen
7. Ramen Nagi
8. The Food Club
9. Planet Grapes
10. Chili's
11. Tagaytay Baguo etc
2. Hanayo Grill (treat him with buffet)
3. Crazy Katsu
4. Tornado Peri Peri
5. Jog at UP then foodtrip Lonnga Rep
6. Hanamaruken Ramen
7. Ramen Nagi
8. The Food Club
9. Planet Grapes
10. Chili's
11. Tagaytay Baguo etc
Saturday, August 2, 2014
Exclusively Dating The Nurse - 2 Months, 15 Dates, 4 Times.
Recounting the dates with Mr. Nurse.
First date: June 30. We met at Coffee Bean tea leaf in Trinoma. It was blind, but at least everything was eezy peezy because I wasn't as nervous as I was when I began dating. I was wearing a black dress, and he was in black also. After little getting to know you at Coffee Bean, we moved to Gilligans because there were no more stores open at the time. Had sisig and mojito.
Second date: We met at TYA, I had two mojitos and 1 vodka 7. I was wearing a miniskirt and black sheer dressy top. Drunk and tipsy, we kissed in the cab and I didn't go home immediately.
Third date: There was a storm at the time, and yet we decided to meet at Starbucks in Trinoma, we talked for hours. I was wearing a purple dress. First time I paid for the both of us because I was late and I cancelled our third date beforehand. We kissed and made out in the cab. (July 13) He told me he loved me.
Fourth date: We met at Starbucks in Skygarden. I was wearing black pants gray top and jacket. There was also some MOMOL going on. He bought me snack treats.
Fifth date: Short break, went to Gilligans for some beer. I was wearing an orange top and miniskirt. He gave me some candies.
Sixth date: We went to Tomato Kick in Maginhawa. I was in my jogging attire.Had 1 beer. Jogged and made out in the middle of UP Acad Oval. Renewed some bumps along the way.
Seventh date: He fetched me from ABS Starbucks, I was wearing the purple dress again. We went to UP and parked the car and MOMOX'ed.
Eighth date: I was supposed to go to UP and meet him there, but it's hard to find a cab so he went to Skygarden instead. I was super annoyed and stressed! I was wearing a ghastly pair of jeans, and black top. I gave him half a dozen donuts.
Ninth date: He fetched me from ABS, I was wearing a black dress. Went to Senor Pollo for mojito and quezadillas.. And then, second time that I didn't go home right away. (July 30). I told him I love him.
Tenth date: I went to Maginhawa St and met him. I was wearing pants and red top.We went to Z Compound, had a coke and fries.
Oh my God. We already had 10 dates and I guess this is the stage when one can say that we are exclusively dating :)
Eleventh Date: I was in Kitchen of Cakes and Coffee, working. Wearing black pants. He treated me pasta dinner.
Twelfth Date: We had dinner at Taisho Ramen. I was wearing jeans and black top. We shared a bowl of ramen.
Thirteenth date: We had burger at Kithchen of Cakes and Coffee. His birthday. 3rd wink :) August 20
Fourteenth date: I went to visit him at his eatery in UP. It was a nice set up. I was wearing a black sheer romper. 4th wink. August 25
Fifteenth date: I went to UP again and ate burger and mojos and fries. Went to TYA after and I was freaking annoyed that he ogled other girls! WE BREAK UP.
***********
First date: June 30. We met at Coffee Bean tea leaf in Trinoma. It was blind, but at least everything was eezy peezy because I wasn't as nervous as I was when I began dating. I was wearing a black dress, and he was in black also. After little getting to know you at Coffee Bean, we moved to Gilligans because there were no more stores open at the time. Had sisig and mojito.
Second date: We met at TYA, I had two mojitos and 1 vodka 7. I was wearing a miniskirt and black sheer dressy top. Drunk and tipsy, we kissed in the cab and I didn't go home immediately.
Third date: There was a storm at the time, and yet we decided to meet at Starbucks in Trinoma, we talked for hours. I was wearing a purple dress. First time I paid for the both of us because I was late and I cancelled our third date beforehand. We kissed and made out in the cab. (July 13) He told me he loved me.
Fourth date: We met at Starbucks in Skygarden. I was wearing black pants gray top and jacket. There was also some MOMOL going on. He bought me snack treats.
Fifth date: Short break, went to Gilligans for some beer. I was wearing an orange top and miniskirt. He gave me some candies.
Sixth date: We went to Tomato Kick in Maginhawa. I was in my jogging attire.Had 1 beer. Jogged and made out in the middle of UP Acad Oval. Renewed some bumps along the way.
Seventh date: He fetched me from ABS Starbucks, I was wearing the purple dress again. We went to UP and parked the car and MOMOX'ed.
Eighth date: I was supposed to go to UP and meet him there, but it's hard to find a cab so he went to Skygarden instead. I was super annoyed and stressed! I was wearing a ghastly pair of jeans, and black top. I gave him half a dozen donuts.
Ninth date: He fetched me from ABS, I was wearing a black dress. Went to Senor Pollo for mojito and quezadillas.. And then, second time that I didn't go home right away. (July 30). I told him I love him.
Tenth date: I went to Maginhawa St and met him. I was wearing pants and red top.We went to Z Compound, had a coke and fries.
Oh my God. We already had 10 dates and I guess this is the stage when one can say that we are exclusively dating :)
Eleventh Date: I was in Kitchen of Cakes and Coffee, working. Wearing black pants. He treated me pasta dinner.
Twelfth Date: We had dinner at Taisho Ramen. I was wearing jeans and black top. We shared a bowl of ramen.
Thirteenth date: We had burger at Kithchen of Cakes and Coffee. His birthday. 3rd wink :) August 20
Fourteenth date: I went to visit him at his eatery in UP. It was a nice set up. I was wearing a black sheer romper. 4th wink. August 25
Fifteenth date: I went to UP again and ate burger and mojos and fries. Went to TYA after and I was freaking annoyed that he ogled other girls! WE BREAK UP.
***********
Saturday, July 19, 2014
The Nurse
I met The Nurse last June 30. Truth be told I was not interested in him because let's say his looks are lacking and he's not exactly my type. But he's been genuinely nice and sweet and every inch a gentleman.
My issue now is he said the L word on the third date. And on the fourth date, I told him I really really like him and now I feel he has lost interest in me. Just a little. He doesn't ask me out anymore and thinks I will automatically ask him out or plan the dates.
Today I will wait for him to ask me out or ask me when I'm free. :)
My issue now is he said the L word on the third date. And on the fourth date, I told him I really really like him and now I feel he has lost interest in me. Just a little. He doesn't ask me out anymore and thinks I will automatically ask him out or plan the dates.
Today I will wait for him to ask me out or ask me when I'm free. :)
Friday, June 20, 2014
empty
hay. i don't want to play the insignificant person card. i want to be visible and great and brilliant. i want to be challenged to do great.
i don't know if i'd feel relieved or sad that i won't be the one to present that concept. I hope it gets approved though. the two concepts, so that i'd get to write. Also, i hope na makuha ako dun sa isang running show. :) Help me Lord.
i don't know if i'd feel relieved or sad that i won't be the one to present that concept. I hope it gets approved though. the two concepts, so that i'd get to write. Also, i hope na makuha ako dun sa isang running show. :) Help me Lord.
Thursday, June 12, 2014
Restlessness
I don't know what is going on.
But I hope there is no looming surprise somewhere.
My heart feels like it's been beaten
I am nothing but bruises.
I want a break.
A big break.
I want to do more of this.
Why is it suddenly so elusive?
But I hope there is no looming surprise somewhere.
My heart feels like it's been beaten
I am nothing but bruises.
I want a break.
A big break.
I want to do more of this.
Why is it suddenly so elusive?
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Caught between a rock and a hard place
Why can't I find the inspiration?! I'm so down and out. I just cant seem to find color in the thing that I do. I want to be amused. I want to strike gold. I want to burn. But I just feel pressure and disenchantment and disillusionment. My emotional state is at the bottom. Damn. Please dont throw this away.
Sunday, May 25, 2014
Date number 2 from Tinder - M
Is a non date.
The night before the date I researched him on google and found that he was previously married with 2 kids!!! His ex wife is now in the US with a new foreigner husband.
The thing that closed my mind off him was I asked him before if he had any wives girlfriends ex wives and he said none. Cannot be trusted, and doesnt tell the truth. So it was buhbye.
The night before the date I researched him on google and found that he was previously married with 2 kids!!! His ex wife is now in the US with a new foreigner husband.
The thing that closed my mind off him was I asked him before if he had any wives girlfriends ex wives and he said none. Cannot be trusted, and doesnt tell the truth. So it was buhbye.
Friday, May 23, 2014
May 18 - UNPROTECTED
I made a mistake when I got into bed with K four times. And i regretted doing it. So after that I had super scary tensed week while waiting for the period to come.
During that time, I had to have myself checked up by the gynecologist just to check if i was ovulating or unsafe during those days of unprotected conscious coupling with K. So while my name was called out by the gyne, I got a freaking wechat message from the culprit that he wanted to be "just friends".
I entered the gyne's office in a daze, I swear I haven't heard any of the word the doctor was saying. It was all blah blah blah...swirling and floating in the air because my mind was too preoccupied with WHAT IFS. What if I indeed got pregnant by this freaking guy? This same freaking guy who is breaking up with me?! AT THIS VERY MOMENT?! It's bad enough to be preggo but to have no one by my side if that shit actually happens? Knowing that no one will be there, especially the supposed father...is like hell.
I prayed. And I wished and I bargained. F*ck dont let me be pregnant.
I took emergency pills one morning after the deed was done. But that's just it, only one freaking time. What if?!
I thought, my parents will be extremely disappointed. My life will be over. Will I induce abortion? Are those Quiapo herbs will be any good? Are there really abortionists in the country and if so, where can I find one? ALL THOSE CRAZY THOUGHTS.
I was glad I had work to keep me busy, else I'll go super super crazy.
After five days which I spent in bated breaths. IT FINALLY CAME.
Imagine my happiness, relief, gratefulness when the red wave appeared May 18 to May 21.
I must say I love red. I love red especially when it's flowing out of me.
LESSON LEARNED. Hugely.
I will never ever sleep with someone without any form of protection. Without condom for that matter. I had this one mistake (make that four) that I will never repeat again.
Also, I plan to sleep with a man who is my actually my long term BF. No more having sex with a guy if I'm not sure of his feelings for me, or of his capability to father my child. Long term relationships will be better because then I can actually take care of my BC, like regularly take those pills and sh*t, and to be safe all the time.
And about K? thanks for being coming to my life. Meeting you made me learn this HUGE lesson. Meeting you made me feel that i was lucky to be BLESSED by this SECOND CHANCE. To feel happy, relieved, grateful... so overwhelmed with love and urge to never do something SO STUPID ever again. To feel like the luckiest child to be FORGIVEN and given another chance, another shot at doing things right.
I feel like a lease on life has been thrown at me.
After this, I feel like brand new. My presentation got approved. Good news kept on pouring. I saw my life and my career in a new light. I am so blessed.
So K. Goodbye and I hope I never bump into you again.
During that time, I had to have myself checked up by the gynecologist just to check if i was ovulating or unsafe during those days of unprotected conscious coupling with K. So while my name was called out by the gyne, I got a freaking wechat message from the culprit that he wanted to be "just friends".
I entered the gyne's office in a daze, I swear I haven't heard any of the word the doctor was saying. It was all blah blah blah...swirling and floating in the air because my mind was too preoccupied with WHAT IFS. What if I indeed got pregnant by this freaking guy? This same freaking guy who is breaking up with me?! AT THIS VERY MOMENT?! It's bad enough to be preggo but to have no one by my side if that shit actually happens? Knowing that no one will be there, especially the supposed father...is like hell.
I prayed. And I wished and I bargained. F*ck dont let me be pregnant.
I took emergency pills one morning after the deed was done. But that's just it, only one freaking time. What if?!
I thought, my parents will be extremely disappointed. My life will be over. Will I induce abortion? Are those Quiapo herbs will be any good? Are there really abortionists in the country and if so, where can I find one? ALL THOSE CRAZY THOUGHTS.
I was glad I had work to keep me busy, else I'll go super super crazy.
After five days which I spent in bated breaths. IT FINALLY CAME.
Imagine my happiness, relief, gratefulness when the red wave appeared May 18 to May 21.
I must say I love red. I love red especially when it's flowing out of me.
LESSON LEARNED. Hugely.
I will never ever sleep with someone without any form of protection. Without condom for that matter. I had this one mistake (make that four) that I will never repeat again.
Also, I plan to sleep with a man who is my actually my long term BF. No more having sex with a guy if I'm not sure of his feelings for me, or of his capability to father my child. Long term relationships will be better because then I can actually take care of my BC, like regularly take those pills and sh*t, and to be safe all the time.
And about K? thanks for being coming to my life. Meeting you made me learn this HUGE lesson. Meeting you made me feel that i was lucky to be BLESSED by this SECOND CHANCE. To feel happy, relieved, grateful... so overwhelmed with love and urge to never do something SO STUPID ever again. To feel like the luckiest child to be FORGIVEN and given another chance, another shot at doing things right.
I feel like a lease on life has been thrown at me.
After this, I feel like brand new. My presentation got approved. Good news kept on pouring. I saw my life and my career in a new light. I am so blessed.
So K. Goodbye and I hope I never bump into you again.
Tuesday, May 20, 2014
I miss him
Okay I got over my "scare". But today I feel so tender towards him. I miss him so much. He could've been the guy. He is a good guy. And I was the neurotic bitch who thinks too much. Hay I screwed it up yet again. Why am I soooo slow into trusting people. If I could've trusted him that day. That day changed everything because after that it all went downhill.
My God. why doesn't he want me back. I should've been receiving phonecalls and texts til now. But why? why not?
I just have to think that he can't handle the control freak me. I've been called selfish. I've been called spoiled brat who wants what she wants when she wants it. But I can be nice and doting and freaking maternal. should I change myself?
I just miss him now. I really miss him now. :(
My God. why doesn't he want me back. I should've been receiving phonecalls and texts til now. But why? why not?
I just have to think that he can't handle the control freak me. I've been called selfish. I've been called spoiled brat who wants what she wants when she wants it. But I can be nice and doting and freaking maternal. should I change myself?
I just miss him now. I really miss him now. :(
Wednesday, May 14, 2014
So it's over - May 14
What tumultuous romance was that. He texted me and said maybe we should just be friends. WTF?
When I asked him why he said he doesn't feel anything for me na. I was hurt but mostly my ego. Who the hell wouldnt want me?
But then I thought about it, I realized I dont have feelings for him at all. The reason why I pursued him the last time was because I dont want to lose him as fwb. Well,its just sad that I wont get to f*ck him anymore.
And look at the girl he fell in love with. Just look at her. Does she measure up to me?
This is me below. I mean, COME ON.
Monday, May 12, 2014
Balikan
So I went to K's place last Sunday
And we're back together again :)
I promise to love unconditionally and strongly.
But I have issues. I still do.
1. he has tinder textmates
2. still hasn't added me up on FB after the fight.
3. has yet to introduce me to his ate and friends.
And we're back together again :)
I promise to love unconditionally and strongly.
But I have issues. I still do.
1. he has tinder textmates
2. still hasn't added me up on FB after the fight.
3. has yet to introduce me to his ate and friends.
Friday, May 9, 2014
May 10 the end of date 1 from Tinder named K.
After texting for a month, and giving me flowers, me and K broke up on FB.
He just hit so many relationship flags that I felt that he's not worth it anymore.
1. He is a loser. Lost his job and in transition when we met.
2. He loves too fast and I suspect that he is a player.
3. Good in bed yes (but this is a plus!)
4. He has a daughter and not annulled yet with previous marriage.
5. We don't connect. Something in my guts tells me we just don't connect. He just speaks and speaks without wanting to know me deeply.
6. He posts things in facebook not related to me. Like about his crush, or his ex, or love of his life.
7. It seems as if he's not that attracted to me enough to love me.
8. He tried to borrow money. Then I said no. His reply came as something very rude. So I said I won't be coming over to his place because I have colds..then he accused me that the reason i don't want to come is because he tried to borrow money. then of course i denied it. he said i should't force myself to come if i don't want to. so i said okay and said they're not connected. but his reply was sarcastic. okay sabi mo e. then i asked if his post on fb was about me. then he said nope. good night. then i said, fine, have a nice life.
9. I thought of blocking him on FB, but i guess I don't have to ruminate on that because he blocked me first! Guess who's bitter?!
10. Next!!!
He just hit so many relationship flags that I felt that he's not worth it anymore.
1. He is a loser. Lost his job and in transition when we met.
2. He loves too fast and I suspect that he is a player.
3. Good in bed yes (but this is a plus!)
4. He has a daughter and not annulled yet with previous marriage.
5. We don't connect. Something in my guts tells me we just don't connect. He just speaks and speaks without wanting to know me deeply.
6. He posts things in facebook not related to me. Like about his crush, or his ex, or love of his life.
7. It seems as if he's not that attracted to me enough to love me.
8. He tried to borrow money. Then I said no. His reply came as something very rude. So I said I won't be coming over to his place because I have colds..then he accused me that the reason i don't want to come is because he tried to borrow money. then of course i denied it. he said i should't force myself to come if i don't want to. so i said okay and said they're not connected. but his reply was sarcastic. okay sabi mo e. then i asked if his post on fb was about me. then he said nope. good night. then i said, fine, have a nice life.
9. I thought of blocking him on FB, but i guess I don't have to ruminate on that because he blocked me first! Guess who's bitter?!
10. Next!!!
Dating: Relationship Red Flags
Below is a list of some of the red flags I've discovered. It's a long list, but certainly not exhaustive. Some of these items might not be deal-breakers for you; if the issue is okay with you, then there is no problem. But, don't expect to be able to change the person. That's when you can get into relationship trouble. As you read this list, don't just focus on the other person. See if you can identify personally with any of these red flags.
1. The person comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, and tells you exactly what you want to hear.
This is one of the symptoms of narcissism. Narcissists can be very intense in their pursuit, and many of them have learned exactly what to say to pull you in, such as, "I've never felt as connected with anyone else as I feel with you," or "You are the most amazing person I've ever met. I can see that no one has ever really seen you." For many narcissists, the pursuit is everything and once they have you hooked, they are either off to another pursuit, or they become more and more demanding of you.
2. The person becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.
This is another symptom of narcissism. Narcissists need constant attention and often become very upset and punishing if you don't give them what they want.
3. The person becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience.
He or she tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position. This is another narcissistic trait: the belief that only his or her feelings and opinions are valid, and that differences pose a threat.
4. The person talks on and on about himself or herself and doesn't ask much about you, or is uninterested when you do talk about yourself.
Again, another symptom of narcissism. This person is not interested in you or your feelings. He or she just wants you to keep your attention on them.
5. The person is an older man or woman who has never been married and has been in a series of broken relationships, or has had numerous broken marriages.
People get together at their common level of woundedness -- i.e., their common level of self-abandonment. While this person may blame the other person for the problems, or claim that he or she has just never met the "right" person, it always takes two to create relationship problems. Unless this person has had a good amount of therapy and personal growth since the last relationship, a series of broken relationships or marriages may indicate that he or she doesn't know how to have a loving relationship.
6. The person was abused as a child and has not had therapy or done sufficient inner healing work.
We all bring our unhealed wounds with us into our primary relationships, often projecting our parents or other caregivers onto our partner. This can make for a very challenging relationship.
7. The person lacks empathy and compassion.
This is another symptom of narcissism. If this person cannot feel pain for your pain and joy for your joy, you will end up feeling very lonely in the relationship.
8. The person has abandoned his or her children.
Abandoning one's children -- other than giving up a baby for adoption -- may indicate lack of empathy. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a parent from seeing their children, or a parent might come to the painful realization that it is not in the child's best interest to be involved with them. But, if someone does not care about their children, then they likely have a deep problem with caring about themselves or others.
9. The person is not open to learning from relationship conflict.
Without an openness to learning about themselves and you when there is conflict, there is no way to resolve conflict.
10. The person participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you -- smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV and so on.
Again, don't expect that you can get the person to change. The person needs to be acceptable to you as he or she is. They will change if they want to, but you can't make them change.
11. The person is financially irresponsible.
If the person is in a lot of debt, or tries to "borrow" money from you, beware. Many of my very kind clients, in trying to help their partner, have been used and burned by loaning money, or by allowing their partner, who is not earning money, to live with them.
12. You sense that the person is not honest.
It's not always easy to determine if someone is lying or withholding the truth. You need to trust your feelings here. If you consistently feel that you are not being told the truth, and you have not been concerned about this in other relationships, then trust your feelings. If you have a trust issue in general, then you might want to deal with your issue.
13. The person has no close friends and is not close to family.
There is always a reason that a person has no friends and is not close with family, and the reason might be important for you to know.
14. The person is judgmental of self and others, talking about self and others in disparaging ways.
This is a person who does not love him or herself, and therefore cannot love you. If this person is not open to healing their judgmentalness, then this will become an increasingly major issue in your relationship.
15. The person is possessive and jealous. He or she gets upset when you do your own thing.
A jealous, possessive person is a person who is very insecure. If he or she gets upset when you do your own thing, then you need to accept that it is more important to that person to control you than to care about you.
16. The person has totally different views and values from yours in important areas such as religion or spirituality, politics, child rearing, health and nutrition.
These areas can become major battlegrounds. Relationships are hard enough without dealing with conflict in these contentious areas.
17. The person has few interests and hobbies.
A person with few hobbies or interests may be a person who is dependent on others for their sense of self, and may be very demanding in a relationship.
18. The person takes no responsibility for their own feelings.
This person is a victim, blaming others for his or her feelings and circumstances. In a relationship, this person will blame you for his or her unhappiness.
Dating: Relationship Red Flags
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Over the many years of working with thousands of people looking to find a committed relationship, I've discovered numerous red flags that may indicate future problems. Very often, when the person I'm working with has moved ahead with the relationship, one of these issues -- which might not have seemed huge at the beginning -- becomes a major problem leading to the demise of the relationship.
Below is a list of some of the red flags I've discovered. It's a long list, but certainly not exhaustive. Some of these items might not be deal-breakers for you; if the issue is okay with you, then there is no problem. But, don't expect to be able to change the person. That's when you can get into relationship trouble. As you read this list, don't just focus on the other person. See if you can identify personally with any of these red flags.
1. The person comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, and tells you exactly what you want to hear.
This is one of the symptoms of narcissism. Narcissists can be very intense in their pursuit, and many of them have learned exactly what to say to pull you in, such as, "I've never felt as connected with anyone else as I feel with you," or "You are the most amazing person I've ever met. I can see that no one has ever really seen you." For many narcissists, the pursuit is everything and once they have you hooked, they are either off to another pursuit, or they become more and more demanding of you.
2. The person becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.
This is another symptom of narcissism. Narcissists need constant attention and often become very upset and punishing if you don't give them what they want.
3. The person becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience.
He or she tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position. This is another narcissistic trait: the belief that only his or her feelings and opinions are valid, and that differences pose a threat.
4. The person talks on and on about himself or herself and doesn't ask much about you, or is uninterested when you do talk about yourself.
Again, another symptom of narcissism. This person is not interested in you or your feelings. He or she just wants you to keep your attention on them.
5. The person is an older man or woman who has never been married and has been in a series of broken relationships, or has had numerous broken marriages.
People get together at their common level of woundedness -- i.e., their common level of self-abandonment. While this person may blame the other person for the problems, or claim that he or she has just never met the "right" person, it always takes two to create relationship problems. Unless this person has had a good amount of therapy and personal growth since the last relationship, a series of broken relationships or marriages may indicate that he or she doesn't know how to have a loving relationship.
6. The person was abused as a child and has not had therapy or done sufficient inner healing work.
We all bring our unhealed wounds with us into our primary relationships, often projecting our parents or other caregivers onto our partner. This can make for a very challenging relationship.
7. The person lacks empathy and compassion.
This is another symptom of narcissism. If this person cannot feel pain for your pain and joy for your joy, you will end up feeling very lonely in the relationship.
8. The person has abandoned his or her children.
Abandoning one's children -- other than giving up a baby for adoption -- may indicate lack of empathy. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a parent from seeing their children, or a parent might come to the painful realization that it is not in the child's best interest to be involved with them. But, if someone does not care about their children, then they likely have a deep problem with caring about themselves or others.
9. The person is not open to learning from relationship conflict.
Without an openness to learning about themselves and you when there is conflict, there is no way to resolve conflict.
10. The person participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you -- smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV and so on.
Again, don't expect that you can get the person to change. The person needs to be acceptable to you as he or she is. They will change if they want to, but you can't make them change.
11. The person is financially irresponsible.
If the person is in a lot of debt, or tries to "borrow" money from you, beware. Many of my very kind clients, in trying to help their partner, have been used and burned by loaning money, or by allowing their partner, who is not earning money, to live with them.
12. You sense that the person is not honest.
It's not always easy to determine if someone is lying or withholding the truth. You need to trust your feelings here. If you consistently feel that you are not being told the truth, and you have not been concerned about this in other relationships, then trust your feelings. If you have a trust issue in general, then you might want to deal with your issue.
13. The person has no close friends and is not close to family.
There is always a reason that a person has no friends and is not close with family, and the reason might be important for you to know.
14. The person is judgmental of self and others, talking about self and others in disparaging ways.
This is a person who does not love him or herself, and therefore cannot love you. If this person is not open to healing their judgmentalness, then this will become an increasingly major issue in your relationship.
15. The person is possessive and jealous. He or she gets upset when you do your own thing.
A jealous, possessive person is a person who is very insecure. If he or she gets upset when you do your own thing, then you need to accept that it is more important to that person to control you than to care about you.
16. The person has totally different views and values from yours in important areas such as religion or spirituality, politics, child rearing, health and nutrition.
These areas can become major battlegrounds. Relationships are hard enough without dealing with conflict in these contentious areas.
17. The person has few interests and hobbies.
A person with few hobbies or interests may be a person who is dependent on others for their sense of self, and may be very demanding in a relationship.
18. The person takes no responsibility for their own feelings.
This person is a victim, blaming others for his or her feelings and circumstances. In a relationship, this person will blame you for his or her unhappiness.
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