romance in a take out box

ang hirap...i just rrealized i can't go on like this.

there is a reason why people want to couple up and cuddle. maybe not just only for the purpose of recreation, or security but maybe just maybe, being with a person just makes life a little less lonely. convenience man o availability.

may dahilan din kasi kung bakit ang tao ay nacreate nang mag-isa. Si God alam niya na kayang mabuhay nang mag-isa ang isang tao. Pero...pero...maraming mga bagay ang designed para sa dalawa.

Mga good for sharing na food, mga hotel room for two, ang magkabiyak na kalahating hearts na kapag pinagdugtong mo ay may mabubuong puso, popsicles na pag binali sa gitna ay pwedeng pandalawa, slice ng cheesecake na dapat ishare or else di mo kakayanin sa sobrang tamis, mga ulam or any food na dapat ishare dahil nakakaumay para iconsume ng isa. which makes me think, bakit may mga food na good for one pero mas masarap pag pinagsasaluhan? ganun din ba ang life?good for one pero mas masarap pag may kasalo ka?

ang tagal ko na ring mag-isa. three years siguro since the last pseudo relationship. hindi na ako sanay na magcare sa isang tao na hindi ko kamag-anak. o mga tao sa paligid ko na tinuturing kong kaibigan. minsan pa nga hindi ako nagiinvest ng concern o love, lalo na kapag alam kong wala akong makukuha in return. sa love kahit lugi ka na, go ka pa rin. kasi masaya ka eh.

sanay ako na may oras at panahon para lumandi...at ito ay kapag kelangan lang. hindi ko rin macarry ang demands ng ibang tao sa akin, lalo na ang supposedly karelasyon. bakit di nagtext, bakit hindi nakipagmeet? kapag ganito nagrerebelde ako. romance in a takeout box. yun yata ang kelangan ko.

until there are moments. pano ang mga moments na hindi mo pinagplanuhan. like ngayon. hindi ko pinlano na malulungkot ako ngayon, so walang nakaplano beforehand na landi. hindi naman ibig sabihin nuon ay libog na. so out of question ang alam mo na. sana nireciprocate ko muna ang texts at flirtation mula sa guy from my past o sa lalaking kakameet ko lang nung nagbakasyon ako para hindi sila magulat na itetext ko sila ngayon. ganun ang ibig kong sabihin. so anyway. mahirap din pala. let's see.

PFA

Last week I spent overnight with the most kickass and notorious group of friends, the PFA or prominent faces alliance. I didn't even know how we got called that, but I believe it was Dan who coined that phrase. Prominent Face is like a term we assigned to an individual who has this unreadable, relaxed, take charge face, kinda like poker face before even Lady Gaga made a song out of it, really. Which makes us visionaries of our time. Haha. Seriously it's a face of someone who's too cool to care, and that's just us. Too cool to care.

There are a lot of us, I think we are about ten or more as a whole. (Me, Riza, Ivy, Rose, Pops, Ana C, Dan, Ana D, Julie, Sherylou, Macho, and other honorary members Cath and Zianne). We're almost like a college org in number but we're really not. And it will exhaust you to read their profiles or how they mean to me. But collectively we're a bunch of crazy people who hung out a lot together in college because we are fun, cliquey and we love to make fun of people who we don't like. They're the bunch of friends who I used to run and lead for productions and we always ace everyone of them. =) We go to lunch together, gimmicks together and they have been with me through all the growing up phase of college and life.

To have a barkada in college is one of the best experiences ever. This means that you have a lot of people behind your back, who will support and stick with you. You have constant lunch mates and people to hang out with during the long breaks in between classes. I pity some classmates who do not have their own barkada back in college. I mean, the whole college experience is all about fun and trying out new things, and who else to experience this with but your college barkada?

They say that highschool experience is all about cliques and trying so hard to fit in. The barkada you have in highschool won't end up as a long time friend, but only a select few. College orgs and friends tend to be allied with you forever because by this time, you've selected your course which invariably meant, selecting the people to hang out with. When you start working however, everything is all about you and that your officemates could become friends but essentially you're competitors.

I'm thankful to have been with them during college, and to have a barkada like them to hold on to and to make me laugh. I am blessed to have them in my life back then and until now.

College happened and we went on with our careers and I believe I've had constant contact with almost everyone of them ever since we graduated. Some of them I regularly text and call for some weekend hangout, gym, and spa. Some of us had settled down and gotten married but are still consistently as kickass and prominent as ever.

After our little get together I've come to realize how thankful I was to have met them, to have gotten to know them. Sometimes work and single life makes me so self absorbed and self aware about little trivialities, which you will later realize that they are indeed, trivial. It also made me aware of my own ticking body clock as I have come to realize that there were only about four of us who were not married, three of us who were not in a relationship!

What's amazing with us is that, even if we are a handful, there is no bad blood, there are no little intrigues, it's just us, what you see is what you get. I guess that's what the whole phrase prominent face means, we look and act tough but deep inside you'll know how kind, cool, and how accepting we are of everyone we meet.

These people know me from head to foot, they know my quirks and my little idiosyncrasies and I know they love me for that. Haha. I just wish to spend more time with everyone of them regularly. But I'm thankful for the times I spend with some of them as it is. =)

Right now I am happy that everyone of us are in good places in life. Some are on top of their careers, others are happy starting their own families, and Rose is pregnant! See everyone of you again in December! Stay prominent!

zoning out

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to zone out, reflect, meditate and collect myself and my thoughts...and I got lucky because I did this in Iloilo and Guimaras. Until now, when I look at the photos, I feel giddy inside, which makes me think that I want to do this again.

Why did I travel alone? It's just like why dogs lick their balls. Because they can.

1. makes me more responsible, alert. it's like adrenaline on a take out box where my senses are heightened tenfold.

2. i made new acquaintances! im iffy about calling them friends because i think i am a closet snob, but who cares. a student of marine biology who's in his 30's from Bacolod, and a couple from Marikina made my stay in Guimaras more fun

3. i discovered that I am such an OC organizer! I even exhaust myself

4. i consider this a blessing and a wonderful opportunity, like a nudge at my financial independence. i feel happy that i was able to sustain my existence for four days alone.

5. i got to know myself better. yes, and she's bad. hahahaha.

There. They are shallow, even for me, but i'm a sensory person like that. =)

“The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.”

“Why tell your grandkids you worked 9-5, five days a week for 40 years and quietly sat in traffic jams while people went to war, suffered disease and shot their own classmates? Tell them you refused to live in fear. Tell them you crossed the Amazon, saw the Lost Cities of Gold and met your soul mate in Casablanca. Travel to the ends of the earth. Go now and live adventures that will make your grandkids proud.”

crisis situation

i find myself finished with all the deliverables and now i have nothing else to do.

i am panicking it's like my mind begs to do something.

i'm spinning like a top.