May 18 - UNPROTECTED

I made a mistake when I got into bed with K four times. And i regretted doing it. So after that I had super scary tensed week while waiting for the period to come.
During that time, I had to have myself checked up by the gynecologist just to check if i was ovulating or unsafe during those days of unprotected conscious coupling with K. So while my name was called out by the gyne, I got a freaking wechat message from the culprit that he wanted to be "just friends".
I entered the gyne's office in a daze, I swear I haven't heard any of the word the doctor was saying. It was all blah blah blah...swirling and floating in the air because my mind was too preoccupied with WHAT IFS. What if I indeed got pregnant by this freaking guy? This same freaking guy who is breaking up with me?! AT THIS VERY MOMENT?! It's bad enough to be preggo but to have no one by my side if that shit actually happens? Knowing that no one will be there, especially the supposed father...is like hell.

I prayed. And I wished and I bargained. F*ck dont let me be pregnant.

I took emergency pills one morning after the deed was done. But that's just it, only one freaking time. What if?!

I thought, my parents will be extremely disappointed. My life will be over. Will I induce abortion? Are those Quiapo herbs will be any good? Are there really abortionists in the country and if so, where can I find one? ALL THOSE CRAZY THOUGHTS.

I was glad I had work to keep me busy, else I'll go super super crazy.

After five days which I spent in bated breaths. IT FINALLY CAME.

Imagine my happiness, relief, gratefulness when the red wave appeared May 18 to May 21.

I must say I love red. I love red especially when it's flowing out of me.

LESSON LEARNED. Hugely.

I will never ever sleep with someone without any form of protection. Without condom for that matter. I had this one mistake (make that four) that I will never repeat again.

Also, I plan to sleep with a man who is my actually my long term BF. No more having sex with a guy if I'm not sure of his feelings for me, or of his capability to father my child. Long term relationships will be better because then I can actually take care of my BC, like regularly take those pills and sh*t, and to be safe all the time.

And about K? thanks for being coming to my life. Meeting you made me learn this HUGE lesson. Meeting you made me feel that i was lucky to be BLESSED by this  SECOND CHANCE. To feel happy, relieved, grateful... so overwhelmed with love and urge to never do something SO STUPID ever again. To feel like the luckiest child to be FORGIVEN and given another chance, another shot at doing things right.

I feel like a lease on life has been thrown at me.

After this, I feel like brand new. My presentation got approved. Good news kept on pouring. I saw my life and my career in a new light. I am so blessed.

So K. Goodbye and I hope I never bump into you again.