ughhhh

It was a good day!
I got paid for my racket for ABS-CBN RNG!
I love love love it!
The day started with a bang and I was feeling pretty high and powerful and invincible until I heard a certain news.
I am not to feel unsympathetic and unsupportive but Puh-leaaase! you should start with me. I really WANT this! Do I really?  You could say that I am just the type of person who has to want something to get fixated about to be able survive. But I do and I think I can swing this. Please let me swing this. I want this! Universe hear me!

vacation

i need want crave a vacation.
pleaaaase?!
I want to go to SG in July!

writer stereotype

I have been reading a lot of articles lately and all of them are discussing how a writer seems to be detached from their families, how they are referred to as rather strange and weird. And in all honesty, in my experience these assumptions can be true.
I am honestly socially inept, that I find it uncomfortable socializing on a deeper level. Whenever I meet new people, I always have to have a wingman, or a another person that I know and I am comfortable with.
Putting me alone in a situation where these people know each other and don't know me, will definitely stress me out. After some time, I will definitely need my alone time to recharge and center myself.
Whenever I have to socialize with relatives, I find it hard to keep up, mostly because I can't think and I have certain paranoid tendencies. What they think of me, or are they judging me. Added to the fact that I am judging them.
It is also entirely different when I travel alone and talk to strangers. I am excited and eager because I control the situation. There is also no commitment. After chatting with them or doing things with them, you can leave them alone and there is not going to be an issue.
But I always try to appear as bubbly and jolly and superficial. Because that's really who I am. I am easy to please. But harder to understand.
I like mainstream films but I love the deeper ones. I follow fashion trends. I want to drink with buddies and go on a spa day with girlfriends. I am neurotic. I smoke but I don't drink. I go to the gym and try the organic nonsense and eat a burger meal the next day. I like mystery and comedies. I like teen dramas and boring men-driven shows like Mad Men. I do normal things with others but I satiate my strange desires when alone. I like to cry for no reason at all or to something that to others may sound really silly. I like to get mad and smash bottles. I believe that personal appearance rules over intellect. But being really manipulative with how to use your beauty will rule the earth.
Often I like to keep my emotions to myself. I feel naked when I open up to someone. it scares me. I am the one to answer Nothing when asked if there is something bothering me,. Opening up to someone about my feelings is the least I will do to a friend or to a significant other.
I also think I want things because others want them. Same with work and with men. I can compete for the heck of it. It's not in my nature. But just to shake things up a bit, I will. 
I keep a game and happy face because that's how I cope. I am not always weird. I am not always normal. Otherwise I'd just be another stereotype.

restlessness

I am free this weekend and I feel restless.
You know I got no deadlines and my head is running all over the place and I am busying myself with this new venture and cleaning the apartment and all the shit.
One part of me thinks that I need a vacation.
What do you think?

Endings and beginnings

It's the last week of WAKOWAKO.
And it's okay!
It's the start of something new :)
New ventures and experiences like this photobooth business I am in.
Try this!

Konti na lang

I'm currently writing the finale of Wako Wako and suddenly I'm reduced to tears.
I had to stop writing becausse I was bawling all over the place and i cannot catch my breath.
That's when I realized I have to pour all my emotions in a blog post. need to let this all out because I am writing punchlines. As it is there is an unspeakable melancholy tone when you read where the story is going.
Frustrations apathy. I try to be as jaded as a stone. But hey, i think it's good news that I have this great monster of a heart, of emotion just seepign its way until this breakdown. Yes i is a breakdown shaking mess all over the place. Push it and pull it. Until i reach the abyss. I feel like drowning.
I had to lie in bed in fetal position thinking about nothing before I begin.
And now i am not halfway there but i hope i get there. as it is noone cares of your emotional state because u gotta deliver. deliver fast and deliver good.
why i cant i stop crying over something thats supposed to be happy?

Ugh

have you ever had a frienemy?
Yung tipong ayaw mong makita pero kelangan kasi nga friend siya ng friend mo?
bwisit.