I wanna be married by the time I'm 30

Not Married Yet? Look for the New Mr. Right

Vickery Eckhoff, ContributorAfter such a glowing review of your husband’s intelligence, kindness and confidence, I went to your web site, Obsessed. The photos of you and your husband [...]Samantha Ettus, ContributorVickery, I think you are talking about my business partner. My husband does not appear on the Obsessed TV site. Even so, it is certainly the case that if y [...]Vickery Eckhoff, ContributorI wasn’t asking advice, thanks. And perhaps I have the site wrong where I saw your husband’s photo. But he is still the very essence of looks and money, tw [...]

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When young women ask me how to have a successful career and a family I tell them to pick the right guy. Easier said than done – especially if you don’t know what to look for. If you want a successful career, a happy home and a solid marriage then let’s hope you aren’t looking for the perpetual dreamer, the hot but unavailable guy or the guy who’s throwing money around. You are looking for an intelligent, kind hearted, loving, open minded man who knows how to make a commitment and stick to it.
So if we all know what Mr. Right looks like when we see him then why do so many of us marry Mr. Wrong? Because most women are not thinking far into their futures when they fall in love. They are thinking about Mr. Right Now instead of Mr. Right Always. At a dinner party I was recently seated across from a non-profit executive. She mentioned that as a feminist, she sometimes feels uncomfortable with the advice she gives to young women; that to have it all you need to marry the right man. And last month, the newly iconic working mom and Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg echoed this when she said, “I tell young women the most important decision you are going to make is who your life partner is.”
So what does he look like?
The New Mr. Right:
-       makes plans in advance.
-       supports your career and ambitions.
-       is proud of you when you achieve professionally.
-       doesn’t expect to be waited on but does expect to help.
-       loves children.
-       enjoys doing things for you just as you do for him.
-       knows who your friends are and makes an effort with them.
-       spends time with male friends who treat women respectfully.
-       doesn’t feel competitive with you. Your wins are his too.
I am consistently surprised by how many women tell me how “lucky” I am to have found my husband. Do they think I was driving and he fell onto my windshield? We met on a blind date. I had asked friends, colleagues, acquaintances to set me up with a man who was smart, kind and confident. See which words are missing? Looks and money. Neither of those last forever, but intelligence, a kind heart and self-confidence do. I worked hard to meet my husband and if you want to have your version of it all, you’ll work hard to find yours too.
Samantha Ettus is a bestselling author, media personality and speaker, passionate about helping working moms to design a successful and happy lifestyle. Connect with her at samantha@samanthaettus.com or @samanthaettus.