Date number 2 from Tinder - M

Is a non date.
The night before the date I researched him on google and found that he was previously married with 2 kids!!! His ex wife is now in the US with a new foreigner husband.
The thing that closed my mind off him was I asked him before if he had any wives girlfriends ex wives and he said none. Cannot be trusted, and doesnt tell the truth. So it was buhbye.

May 18 - UNPROTECTED

I made a mistake when I got into bed with K four times. And i regretted doing it. So after that I had super scary tensed week while waiting for the period to come.
During that time, I had to have myself checked up by the gynecologist just to check if i was ovulating or unsafe during those days of unprotected conscious coupling with K. So while my name was called out by the gyne, I got a freaking wechat message from the culprit that he wanted to be "just friends".
I entered the gyne's office in a daze, I swear I haven't heard any of the word the doctor was saying. It was all blah blah blah...swirling and floating in the air because my mind was too preoccupied with WHAT IFS. What if I indeed got pregnant by this freaking guy? This same freaking guy who is breaking up with me?! AT THIS VERY MOMENT?! It's bad enough to be preggo but to have no one by my side if that shit actually happens? Knowing that no one will be there, especially the supposed father...is like hell.

I prayed. And I wished and I bargained. F*ck dont let me be pregnant.

I took emergency pills one morning after the deed was done. But that's just it, only one freaking time. What if?!

I thought, my parents will be extremely disappointed. My life will be over. Will I induce abortion? Are those Quiapo herbs will be any good? Are there really abortionists in the country and if so, where can I find one? ALL THOSE CRAZY THOUGHTS.

I was glad I had work to keep me busy, else I'll go super super crazy.

After five days which I spent in bated breaths. IT FINALLY CAME.

Imagine my happiness, relief, gratefulness when the red wave appeared May 18 to May 21.

I must say I love red. I love red especially when it's flowing out of me.

LESSON LEARNED. Hugely.

I will never ever sleep with someone without any form of protection. Without condom for that matter. I had this one mistake (make that four) that I will never repeat again.

Also, I plan to sleep with a man who is my actually my long term BF. No more having sex with a guy if I'm not sure of his feelings for me, or of his capability to father my child. Long term relationships will be better because then I can actually take care of my BC, like regularly take those pills and sh*t, and to be safe all the time.

And about K? thanks for being coming to my life. Meeting you made me learn this HUGE lesson. Meeting you made me feel that i was lucky to be BLESSED by this  SECOND CHANCE. To feel happy, relieved, grateful... so overwhelmed with love and urge to never do something SO STUPID ever again. To feel like the luckiest child to be FORGIVEN and given another chance, another shot at doing things right.

I feel like a lease on life has been thrown at me.

After this, I feel like brand new. My presentation got approved. Good news kept on pouring. I saw my life and my career in a new light. I am so blessed.

So K. Goodbye and I hope I never bump into you again.

I miss him

Okay I got over my "scare". But today I feel so tender towards him. I miss him so much. He could've been the guy. He is a good guy. And I was the neurotic bitch who thinks too much. Hay I screwed it up yet again. Why am I soooo slow into trusting people. If I could've trusted him that day. That day changed everything because after that it all went downhill.
My God. why doesn't he want me back. I should've been receiving phonecalls and texts til now. But why? why not?
I just have to think that he can't handle the control freak me. I've been called selfish. I've been called spoiled brat who wants what she wants when she wants it. But I can be nice and doting and freaking maternal. should I change myself?
I just miss him now. I really miss him now. :(

So it's over - May 14

What tumultuous romance was that. He texted me and said maybe we should just be friends. WTF?

When I asked him why he said he doesn't feel anything for me na. I was hurt but mostly my ego. Who the hell wouldnt want me?

But then I thought about it, I realized I dont have feelings for him at all. The reason why I pursued him the last time was because I dont want to lose him as fwb. Well,its just sad that I wont get to f*ck him anymore.

And look at the girl he fell in love with. Just look at her. Does she measure up to me?

This is me below. I mean, COME ON. 

Balikan

So I went to K's place last Sunday
And we're back together again :)
I promise to love unconditionally and strongly.
But I have issues. I still do.

1. he has tinder textmates

2. still hasn't added me up on FB after the fight.

3. has yet to introduce me to his ate and friends.

http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/finance-romance-do-not-mix-aint-nothin-going-on-but-the-rent/

May 10 the end of date 1 from Tinder named K.

After texting for a month, and giving me flowers, me and K broke up on FB.
He just hit so many relationship flags that I felt that he's not worth it anymore.

1. He is a loser. Lost his job and in transition when we met.

2. He loves too fast and I suspect that he is a player.

3. Good in bed yes (but this is a plus!)

4. He has a daughter and not annulled yet with previous marriage.

5. We don't connect. Something in my guts tells me we just don't connect. He just speaks and speaks without wanting to know me deeply.

6. He posts things in facebook not related to me. Like about his crush, or his ex, or love of his life.

7. It seems as if he's not that attracted to me enough to love me.

8. He tried to borrow money. Then I said no. His reply came as something very rude. So I said I won't be coming over to his place because I have colds..then he accused me that the reason i don't want to come is because he tried to borrow money. then of course i denied it. he said i should't force myself to come if i don't want to. so i said okay and said they're not connected. but his reply was sarcastic. okay sabi mo e. then i asked if his post on fb was about me. then he said nope. good night. then i said, fine, have a nice life.

9. I thought of blocking him on FB, but i guess I don't have to ruminate on that because he blocked me first! Guess who's bitter?!

10. Next!!!

Dating: Relationship Red Flags

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Over the many years of working with thousands of people looking to find a committed relationship, I've discovered numerous red flags that may indicate future problems. Very often, when the person I'm working with has moved ahead with the relationship, one of these issues -- which might not have seemed huge at the beginning -- becomes a major problem leading to the demise of the relationship.

Below is a list of some of the red flags I've discovered. It's a long list, but certainly not exhaustive. Some of these items might not be deal-breakers for you; if the issue is okay with you, then there is no problem. But, don't expect to be able to change the person. That's when you can get into relationship trouble. As you read this list, don't just focus on the other person. See if you can identify personally with any of these red flags.

1. The person comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, and tells you exactly what you want to hear.

This is one of the symptoms of narcissism. Narcissists can be very intense in their pursuit, and many of them have learned exactly what to say to pull you in, such as, "I've never felt as connected with anyone else as I feel with you," or "You are the most amazing person I've ever met. I can see that no one has ever really seen you." For many narcissists, the pursuit is everything and once they have you hooked, they are either off to another pursuit, or they become more and more demanding of you.

2. The person becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.

This is another symptom of narcissism. Narcissists need constant attention and often become very upset and punishing if you don't give them what they want.

3. The person becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience.

He or she tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position. This is another narcissistic trait: the belief that only his or her feelings and opinions are valid, and that differences pose a threat.

4. The person talks on and on about himself or herself and doesn't ask much about you, or is uninterested when you do talk about yourself.

Again, another symptom of narcissism. This person is not interested in you or your feelings. He or she just wants you to keep your attention on them.

5. The person is an older man or woman who has never been married and has been in a series of broken relationships, or has had numerous broken marriages.

People get together at their common level of woundedness -- i.e., their common level of self-abandonment. While this person may blame the other person for the problems, or claim that he or she has just never met the "right" person, it always takes two to create relationship problems. Unless this person has had a good amount of therapy and personal growth since the last relationship, a series of broken relationships or marriages may indicate that he or she doesn't know how to have a loving relationship.

6. The person was abused as a child and has not had therapy or done sufficient inner healing work.

We all bring our unhealed wounds with us into our primary relationships, often projecting our parents or other caregivers onto our partner. This can make for a very challenging relationship.

7. The person lacks empathy and compassion.

This is another symptom of narcissism. If this person cannot feel pain for your pain and joy for your joy, you will end up feeling very lonely in the relationship.

8. The person has abandoned his or her children.

Abandoning one's children -- other than giving up a baby for adoption -- may indicate lack of empathy. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a parent from seeing their children, or a parent might come to the painful realization that it is not in the child's best interest to be involved with them. But, if someone does not care about their children, then they likely have a deep problem with caring about themselves or others.

9. The person is not open to learning from relationship conflict.

Without an openness to learning about themselves and you when there is conflict, there is no way to resolve conflict.

10. The person participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you -- smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV and so on.

Again, don't expect that you can get the person to change. The person needs to be acceptable to you as he or she is. They will change if they want to, but you can't make them change.

11. The person is financially irresponsible.

If the person is in a lot of debt, or tries to "borrow" money from you, beware. Many of my very kind clients, in trying to help their partner, have been used and burned by loaning money, or by allowing their partner, who is not earning money, to live with them.

12. You sense that the person is not honest.

It's not always easy to determine if someone is lying or withholding the truth. You need to trust your feelings here. If you consistently feel that you are not being told the truth, and you have not been concerned about this in other relationships, then trust your feelings. If you have a trust issue in general, then you might want to deal with your issue.

13. The person has no close friends and is not close to family.

There is always a reason that a person has no friends and is not close with family, and the reason might be important for you to know.

14. The person is judgmental of self and others, talking about self and others in disparaging ways.

This is a person who does not love him or herself, and therefore cannot love you. If this person is not open to healing their judgmentalness, then this will become an increasingly major issue in your relationship.

15. The person is possessive and jealous. He or she gets upset when you do your own thing.

A jealous, possessive person is a person who is very insecure. If he or she gets upset when you do your own thing, then you need to accept that it is more important to that person to control you than to care about you.

16. The person has totally different views and values from yours in important areas such as religion or spirituality, politics, child rearing, health and nutrition.

These areas can become major battlegrounds. Relationships are hard enough without dealing with conflict in these contentious areas.

17. The person has few interests and hobbies.

A person with few hobbies or interests may be a person who is dependent on others for their sense of self, and may be very demanding in a relationship.

18. The person takes no responsibility for their own feelings.

This person is a victim, blaming others for his or her feelings and circumstances. In a relationship, this person will blame you for his or her unhappiness.

Dating: Relationship Red Flags

Posted: 09/20/2012 12:30 am

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Relationships , Love , Love & Sex , Relationships , Inner Bonding , Margaret Paul ,Conscious Relationships , Controlling Behavior , Dating , Empathy , Narcissism ,Narcissistic , Relationship Red Flags , Self-Abandonment , Healthy Living News

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Over the many years of working with thousands of people looking to find a committed relationship, I've discovered numerous red flags that may indicate future problems. Very often, when the person I'm working with has moved ahead with the relationship, one of these issues -- which might not have seemed huge at the beginning -- becomes a major problem leading to the demise of the relationship.

Below is a list of some of the red flags I've discovered. It's a long list, but certainly not exhaustive. Some of these items might not be deal-breakers for you; if the issue is okay with you, then there is no problem. But, don't expect to be able to change the person. That's when you can get into relationship trouble. As you read this list, don't just focus on the other person. See if you can identify personally with any of these red flags.

1. The person comes on strong at the beginning of the relationship, and tells you exactly what you want to hear.

This is one of the symptoms of narcissism. Narcissists can be very intense in their pursuit, and many of them have learned exactly what to say to pull you in, such as, "I've never felt as connected with anyone else as I feel with you," or "You are the most amazing person I've ever met. I can see that no one has ever really seen you." For many narcissists, the pursuit is everything and once they have you hooked, they are either off to another pursuit, or they become more and more demanding of you.

2. The person becomes angry, critical or withdrawn if you say no.

This is another symptom of narcissism. Narcissists need constant attention and often become very upset and punishing if you don't give them what they want.

3. The person becomes logical and tries to talk you out of your feelings or your experience.

He or she tries to make you feel that you are wrong for your feelings or your position. This is another narcissistic trait: the belief that only his or her feelings and opinions are valid, and that differences pose a threat.

4. The person talks on and on about himself or herself and doesn't ask much about you, or is uninterested when you do talk about yourself.

Again, another symptom of narcissism. This person is not interested in you or your feelings. He or she just wants you to keep your attention on them.

5. The person is an older man or woman who has never been married and has been in a series of broken relationships, or has had numerous broken marriages.

People get together at their common level of woundedness -- i.e., their common level of self-abandonment. While this person may blame the other person for the problems, or claim that he or she has just never met the "right" person, it always takes two to create relationship problems. Unless this person has had a good amount of therapy and personal growth since the last relationship, a series of broken relationships or marriages may indicate that he or she doesn't know how to have a loving relationship.

6. The person was abused as a child and has not had therapy or done sufficient inner healing work.

We all bring our unhealed wounds with us into our primary relationships, often projecting our parents or other caregivers onto our partner. This can make for a very challenging relationship.

7. The person lacks empathy and compassion.

This is another symptom of narcissism. If this person cannot feel pain for your pain and joy for your joy, you will end up feeling very lonely in the relationship.

8. The person has abandoned his or her children.

Abandoning one's children -- other than giving up a baby for adoption -- may indicate lack of empathy. Sometimes there are extenuating circumstances that prevent a parent from seeing their children, or a parent might come to the painful realization that it is not in the child's best interest to be involved with them. But, if someone does not care about their children, then they likely have a deep problem with caring about themselves or others.

9. The person is not open to learning from relationship conflict.

Without an openness to learning about themselves and you when there is conflict, there is no way to resolve conflict.

10. The person participates in addictions that are unacceptable to you -- smoking, drinking, drugs, addictive eating, gambling, TV and so on.

Again, don't expect that you can get the person to change. The person needs to be acceptable to you as he or she is. They will change if they want to, but you can't make them change.

11. The person is financially irresponsible.

If the person is in a lot of debt, or tries to "borrow" money from you, beware. Many of my very kind clients, in trying to help their partner, have been used and burned by loaning money, or by allowing their partner, who is not earning money, to live with them.

12. You sense that the person is not honest.

It's not always easy to determine if someone is lying or withholding the truth. You need to trust your feelings here. If you consistently feel that you are not being told the truth, and you have not been concerned about this in other relationships, then trust your feelings. If you have a trust issue in general, then you might want to deal with your issue.

13. The person has no close friends and is not close to family.

There is always a reason that a person has no friends and is not close with family, and the reason might be important for you to know.

14. The person is judgmental of self and others, talking about self and others in disparaging ways.

This is a person who does not love him or herself, and therefore cannot love you. If this person is not open to healing their judgmentalness, then this will become an increasingly major issue in your relationship.

15. The person is possessive and jealous. He or she gets upset when you do your own thing.

A jealous, possessive person is a person who is very insecure. If he or she gets upset when you do your own thing, then you need to accept that it is more important to that person to control you than to care about you.

16. The person has totally different views and values from yours in important areas such as religion or spirituality, politics, child rearing, health and nutrition.

These areas can become major battlegrounds. Relationships are hard enough without dealing with conflict in these contentious areas.

17. The person has few interests and hobbies.

A person with few hobbies or interests may be a person who is dependent on others for their sense of self, and may be very demanding in a relationship.

18. The person takes no responsibility for their own feelings.

This person is a victim, blaming others for his or her feelings and circumstances. In a relationship, this person will blame you for his or her unhappiness.