passion post

pardon the passion post. my heart swells, and anytime its gonna burst.

traveling will be as necessary and as central to this new thing im working on. my heart swells. it's near. last night was fun...and inch by inch closer...this is a humungous thing. and a leap from my status...i've never wanted anything else...last time i felt genuine passion was when i was fighting for Habang May Buhay to air. i feel my toes tingling...

I feel blessed with projects that I have emotional attachment with or meant something to me personally. Well MTV is for music, SN1 is for showbiz and Little Big Star seasons are for music and for discovering talent. Banyera was a tribute to Batangas where I grew up (HMB is Batangas too haha), Ligaw na Bulaklak was a tribute to horse racing, and a play on the experimental film i did in college which was about "bukis". KFK was for kids and my fascination with Chinese. The Wedding is the most contemporary which reflected some of my philosophies and dilemmas on love, HMB is for nursing and my mom and concept and pathos of infidelity. And this current show for the network is for big people like me hehe. And the other one is the very first fantasy show. And now this current travel thing...my God. And this food magazine writing... im so excited...my heart swells.

just when i thought im too dried up...i can feel the beat that my heart skipped.

people in the restaurant last night, whom i overheard. they are eager to go home to catch the show...people emailing me for the articles i did. seeing my name on the tv screen, on the byline. i don't know what is...is it pride? is it prestige? is it passion? fame? love? i don't know.

and the minute i go to bed at dawn today, i realized, i am so in love with what i do...that i am so fired up to do more. bigger. bolder. higher. that loving it so much makes me realize and feel that i am not ready to let this go. i love this. i love it. ive come to the stage where i'm in love with it that it's unbearable to do anything else. it is. i don't know why exactly. it's hard to explain. and i don't know what sparked it, what made me realize it, that im in it for the long haul. that i love it. that im ready to fight for it, to defend it, protect it. feel raw about it.

and to me accepting it is hard... much more to declare. it took a lot of stuff to realize this. to embrace this self-realization. for me it's a sign of vulnerability. that acceptance of loving something so much it makes you cry. gone are the days of pa-cool. of pseudo hating the masa stuff and trying to be higher. have i matured? stripped off of pretensions? but this is it. i am immersed. i am in love. i truly, genuinely love what i do. and it's a blessing already - knowing finally what you love. secondly is doing it, soaking in the thing that you love. and the third thing is enjoying it especially when it's loving you back.